A cemetery alongside of a college campus is a striking contrast. I chose a bench between the two mostly because the early fog demanded a moody photo – a film noir expectation. Morning on the moor. But after I got a few shots, and as an occasional bleary-eyed college student passed by, the contrast began to loom in my thoughts.
Looking back, looking forward. On one side, the vitality of youth. On the other, a somber reminder that our days are finite.
This past weekend, I scribed at a college event. (My new profile pic is from one of those sessions.) Being with students was invigorating. Their enthusiasm was infectious. There was a potency of conviction that was undiluted by life’s contrariness, a sense of purpose that wasn’t eroded by disillusionment. They could be serious. They could be silly. They could be seriously silly.
As I sat on the bench, the chill in the air was a tactile link to my own college days, which seem to be coupled in my memory to brisk walks amidst falling leaves. I remember that time fondly. During those years, I formed a philosophical underpinning for my life that has carried me through the ensuing decades. I’ve built my life upon it.
But now, I find myself pushed to re-examine that foundation.
Maybe it’s that erosion thing. Perhaps it’s the reminders of mortality, regularly chiming the hours like the clock tower on campus. We’re watching Alison’s mother approaching her final days – it’s hard not to wonder about one’s own end, and attempt to add up the total of one’s efforts.
So, I’m a bit foggy. I’m longing for the vitality of youth tempered, but not worn down by, a seasoned perspective. Aged enthusiasm: oxymoronic?
A couple of days ago, I read this from C. S. Lewis: “Do the present duty—bear the present pain—enjoy the present pleasure—and leave emotions and ‘experiences’ to look after themselves.” Well said, old man. I intend to strive to live more in the moment, investing energy into whatever task I’m facing.
Though… maybe I should make an effort to add some college students into my life. A little mid-morning sunshine is a great way to burn off the fog.
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